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Jun. 25th, 2012

On Saturday, I went to a Coldplay concert. I had no expectations... I hadn't been since 2005, and when I went back then, I went out of loyalty, because I really disliked X&Y album.... And I can't remember the concert being that great even though I said I did and said it was the best... Anyway. Listening to the songs, was like taking a journey through the last 11-12 years of my life... It was the soundtrack. I hadn't realized that Coldplay had been the essential soundtrack of my life as many songs make up my life and the experiences, situations, and emotions, but shit. It seemed like it was a spiritual experience. Maybe the beer helped, maybe what was running through my mind made me very present to what the songs brought up for me... but wow, I hadn't expected the range of emotions I experienced to be so present. Also, my relationship with Coldplay... going from the band who kept me sane at night and kept me living at times, to feeling so disconnected from them and jumping ship when everyone was jumping on, and yet feeling a betrayal to my true self, to finding them once again, to reuniting with my love for them... Does this all sound weird? Like how could I have such a relationship with just a band? But I think it's more than that. As I write this, I feel that relationship is just a reflection of myself, of other relationships in my life and my journey... 

As I write this, I find myself judging my words and my truth, and wanting to edit, and wanting to show a different image to the world. What world? Anyway... it's a noticing but I am keeping true... 

My chest is heavy, I listen to Coldplay, and the words seem heavy... and I continue... 

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